The Connection of Emotional Health and Finances

Take a second and think about how you feel emotionally when you spend the most, or spend the most carelessly? What are your spending triggers? Happiness, anxiety, jealousy, depression? When I think about myself, I spend the most when I’m in a funk. When I’m having a great day, I spend the least because I’m more appreciative and see less value in spending on nonsense. When I’m feeling down, I spend the most. I look to spending to make me feel better. This is something I had to recognize about myself to regain a positive control over my emotions and my spending habits.

As wives, mothers and women of business spending carelessly can damage not only our financial security, but our stability as well. We can’t control anything on unstable ground.

Whether we want to admit it or not, more of us than not have an emotional attachment to money. When your bank account is reaching 0, how do you wake up feeling versus when your bank account is $1,000 or more. Are you starting to see the emotional attachment? Whether happy or sad, there still lies emotion.

We must first realize our emotional connection to money. We all react differently. But we must put ourselves in check.We must also realize that with every realization and growth comes sacrifice. Set goals for our finances and follow them to reach our desired individual growth.

Lets change how we think about spending. Our triggered emotions may tell us this new bag is coming out and I got to have it, even if I have to be broke for a week. Our controlled goals should tell us to invest that money in a way to make more money. Then, we won’t have to go broke buying anything.

We should weigh out any altering financial decisions. Any financial decision is going to cause some type of stress or anxiety. So when making large purchases or investments, take all the time you need. Make sure you fully understand your purchase or investment and what you are gaining and what you are giving up.

When trying to maintain our financial goals, we must be honest with our self. If you are happy spender, start a happy fund. If you are an angry spender, start an angry fund… you get the picture. Set a certain amount of money aside for small emotional spending and stick to it. Not only will this help control your finances, it will help control your emotions and their attachments to money.

Now when I’m in a funk, I remember how far I’ve come financially. Pick me ups have come in small monetary forms such as coffee or donuts. I won’t wake up tomorrow regretting my funky mood today.

So I’ll ask you again… what are your emotional spending triggers? Are your emotions controlling your spending…or are you controlling your emotions?


Quieting the Mind

The world is so loud at times isn’t it? The pressures, the overbearing opinions, social media, the news….it all can get really loud at times. Not to mention, the constant thought we put into our own lives that just adds to the noisiness of the world.

If any of you are like me, our minds are never quiet! We think of the countless obligations we have, ways to grow, our stresses, our happiness, etc. etc. etc. I could really go on. As my best friend and I say, “many tabs are always open” in our minds. The issue is one, we can never be fully present. If we are always thinking about what’s next, how can we appreciate the now? Another issue is overthinking. We all know the issues overthinking can cause. Hell, overthinking causes issues that don’t even exist.

So how do we quiet our minds?

Honestly, its work. Every day its work to train our minds. Every day we have to control our focus. I’ve had moments, where I’ve sat right by myself and had an anxiety attack because of my thoughts. Even in a time where I feel so aligned spiritually, quieting my mind is still an obstacle. The want and need for me to better, humble and successful at times overtakes my mind, and then eventually my body. Affirmations is one of my favorite ways, because I’m able to repeat sentences that put me at ease. Quiet rooms, counting backwards from 20 with deep breaths (meditation technique), yoga and a quiet walk outside have been my go to’s for easing my mind.

We all overthink, but some more than others. But think about why we overthink. We overthink because of the unknown and more often times than not, its the unknown opinion or actions of others. We have to learn to trust our faith and realize that the opinion and actions of others have nothing to do with us. In all honesty, sometimes over thinking comes from guilt or insecurities. In those situations we can chose to keep playing victim or we can forgive ourselves and regain confidence. Overthinking is proven to cause physical health issues because of the amount of stress it puts on the body.

It seems the norm for people to say “think positive.” But there’s so much power behind it. Training your mind to think positively creates a pattern, its creates a routine. The more you do it, the better you will become. That’s not to say there won’t be negative days. Its like a diet for your mind. We all have days where we over-do it. The key is wheeling it back and getting back aligned. TALK IT OUT, WRITE IT OUT! Talking and/or writing out your thoughts are powerful as well. There’s something about taking my overwhelming thoughts and creating a plan, or writing them down that make me feel a sense of release.

Our mind is no different than our bodies. We have to feed it and train it and take care of it for it to provide the best benefits. Close those open tabs, be still, don’t let the unknown control you. Meditation, affirmations, quietness, yoga aren’t meant to control your mind; they are meant to be useful tools to stop letting your mind control you. Our mental health is dependent upon it. How do you or how will you quiet your mind?


Sex is apart of Womanhood too!

I think as women, most of us are groomed to think sex is a bad thing. Some of us were very sheltered. Some of us have grown up in religious households. Some of us just weren’t that close with our parents to even talk about it. Society deems sex and women associated with “hoe” and other countless names we won’t even waste our time on. Did it stop us from experimenting? Did it stop us from having sex? No!

I think back to a time I was broke… Did it mean I stopped spending money when I finally got it back, no. It meant that I would be more careful about my spending, so I wouldn’t go back to being broke again. I like to think of sex like that because just like money, more times than not, growing up you hear what you should or shouldn’t do. That’s it. Its not always a constant conversation. So then when we get out in the real world, we mess up a lot until we learn. We go broke, damage our credit, just like we mistake love for lust or just lose our power totally when it comes to our sexual behavior.

Just like anything else, our sex drives and thoughts about sex are all completely different. But the thing is do you think about it enough, talk about it enough, to even know what sex means to you? How does it make you feel? What goals do you have associated with sex? How much power does sex have over you? Can you control your sexual temptations? I bet many of us have never even thought that deep about it & in my opinion thats what needs to change.

The expectation is always save sex for marriage. That’s definitely a high bar to set in this generation. Unrealistic in a time where a woman’s coca cola shape is put on a pedestal. Unrealistic when sex is apart of social media, YOUtube and other aspects of every day life. Sometimes it feels like sex is the norm everywhere but in our households, when it comes to women. Do our daughters know that we have all the control? Do we even know it?

Do our daughters know that if they twerk, it doesn’t take away their right to say NO. Do our daughters know the emotions sex can bring? More importantly do we even know what sex means to our daughters? Trying to shelter them so they don’t know is going to make them unprepared for the real world. They are going to look like some of us lol! Living a life where they don’t know they hold the true prize and what that prize means.

I can say growing up in a house where the conversation was always open, I took charge of my sexual aura early. I wasn’t afraid of it & I didn’t care what it may have looked like to other people. But it’s more than just open conversation, its about deeper conversation. Our children want to know we are human and not standing on top of a pedestal demanding action we couldn’t uphold ourselves.

We as women have to normalize sex talk. Even for our babies that may be getting taking advantage of, it could help them feel more comfortable telling someone. We have to take back our power when it comes to sex, whatever that means for you. It could be practicing abstinence and getting deeper connected. It could be distinguishing whats love and whats lust in your life. It could elevating the bedroom in your relationships. It could be having real conversations with your 16 year old daughter. No matter what it is, please remember that when it comes to SEX, its a woman’s world, despite what society makes you think.


Anxiety Living

This year has been one hell of a year thus far. So many things have happened, that if you have never experienced anxiety before, you probably have in the last 6 months. COVID really was an eye opener for all of us. Being secluded and not being able to go anywhere, is like a vacation at first. But as time goes on we become trapped in this space of the unknown. Fear took over our minds and fear alone can do damaging things to our minds & our bodies.

For those of us who are parents, who were promoted to home school teachers; the struggle has been real! Having to be an essential employee, while making sure our children’s education doesn’t suffer, affected everything! The anxiety of the unknown and living this new normal was enough for anyone to feel a permanent state of confusion. For those of us who lost our jobs. The stress of not knowing how bills are going to be paid, how we are going to take care of our family, can make our chest tighten!

I’ve experienced small doses of anxiety over the years, but I realized just how deep my anxiety ran during the lock downs. As we all are trying to be better people and we set goals and have plans; COVID came and was a road block for a lot of that for me. My thoughts became overwhelmed with worry and confusion. How am I going to get all of this done? It seemed like all that work I had did to train my mind to be better, went away. I had to dig even deeper. Now I can say that COVID was the reasoning for my awakening.

Feeling confused, unfocused, worried, stressed, body aches, chest tightening. I thought something was wrong with me. It was my mind playing tricks on me. It was nothing more than an anxiety attack. So I had to go back to the drawing board. I dug deep! I dug so deep, I almost scared my damn self at the things I discovered.

When everything is going good, its easy not to have anxiety, what is there really to worry about? But the moment things got too much, those positive thoughts, those affirmations, began to be the furthest thing from my mind. So I want you to know, you are not alone QUEEN! I had to change my whole routine. I planned to sit outside and receive the healing of the sunlight. I got crystals that could help me during meditation to be more focused. I opened up my study BIBLE, I had received as a gift years ago, for the first time. I’ll say it was all right on time.

I had to take control of me! I realized my OCD and the need for completion, made me too anxious. So when there were interruptions, I didn’t know how to handle them. So I had to take control and find ways to therapy, that helped me learn to stop trying to control the uncontrollable.

All of our anxiety stems from different places. But it’s important to me to let you know that you know I get it! You are not alone! and that YOU can and YOU will get past this! It’s okay to drop everything for your mental health. This pandemic taught me that at any given moment we can STOP. We can put everything on HOLD and focus on whats really important. And when we are ready to interact with the world again, we see we truly didn’t miss a thing. I came back with a business, a humble heart, a filled soul and balanced mind. I know now that at any given point, when it gets too much or my anxiety starts to shine through too often, I can make my own lock down. I can rebegin again.

The same goes for you! It’s okay! I think living with anxiety will forever be a topic, especially from here on out! Its important that we learn that anxiety isn’t a road block, its a revelation. It’s an alarm letting our bodies & minds know to wait a minute. Its a warning that adjustments need to be made! Don’t let anxiety hold you back and never be afraid to begin again! Your mental health will thank you later!


Believing in You🌱✨

On our journey, we must remember that our mind can be our greatest asset or our biggest problem. How we think, what we believe, it all shapes the steps we take and ultimately the life we live. If we expect to grow out of anything we have to believe in who we are and who we are becoming. Too often we overvalue what we aren’t and undervalue what we are.

We’ve all made mistakes in the past. But the key is knowing our mistakes don’t define us! If we continue to believe that our mistakes deem us unworthy of any positivity, then our life will reflect that.

I’m not ashamed to say I’ve made some heart wrenching mistakes in the past. And me holding on to those mistakes kept me from believing in who I could be. A better me! More than often we feel so guilty for our mistakes because of the opinion of others. But let me make this clear. The extent to which others believe in us SHOULD NOT dictate how much we believe in ourselves.

We have to have confidence. We have to know who we are. When we can stand in the present and accept the mistakes, flaws and mishaps, only then can we fully believe in our steps forward.

WE HAVE TO BELIEVE IN OURSELVES! No matter how long the bridge is we must cross along our journey of growth. No matter how high the mountain is we have to climb. We have to believe we can do it. Step by step. One foot in front of the other. With each passing level our belief will go stronger and stronger.

It’s important we believe in ourselves. Along our journey there will be naysayers. There will be people that quit on us. There will be people who try to tarnish us. There will be road blocks. There will be times so hard, that it might seem simpler to revert back to the old us. But when we believe in ourselves those naysayers mean nothing. When we believe in ourselves, people quitting on us may hurt, but we realize all we need is our own roots to grow. When there are road blocks, believing in ourself means we will try countless ways to get to where we want because we know we deserve it!

Believing in you means that even if it means standing alone, that you will be your best self. It means even if nobody claps, you keep going. Believing in you means there are no boundaries to what you can achieve! As juvenile as the saying “believe in you & anything is possible” is, it is absolutely true. We should never set a goal and add a BUT of contradiction. Like “I want to be a lawyer, but that’s just too much school.” “I want to start a business, but what if nobody supports.” We are counting ourselves out before we ever get started. And we will never grow from that.

As we end our journey of growth series, I first want to thank all my readers for growing with me! As I continue my journey & as I hope you continue yours, I hope that my writings and experiences can be reflected upon to help you along the way. Remember this journey begins and ends with believing in you!

Focusing On Your Own Growth 🌱✨

We’ve been hearing this since we were kids. “If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?” “Keep your eyes on your own paper.” “You are too busy worried about what every one else is doing, when you need to be focused on yourself.”

I know these are words I clearly remember my mother saying to me at different points of life. Words that in those moments I took for granted. Not understanding or even knowing that those words were the foundation of how I should live my own UNIQUE life. It was instilled in me from the beginning to be my own person. When the world told me I had to be like everyone else to be recognized, or do what everyone else is doing, or wear what everyone else is wearing; my mother’s words played in my head. Did I always listen? NO! lol But on our journey of growth its important to remember our CORE.

We are all at different places in life. We all have different wants. We all have different needs. Like we have talked about in the blogs before, what it takes for each of us to grow will be different. Some of our career goals may to be entrepreneurs and change the world, some of our goals may be to excel in the career we are in, some of us may be going back to school to succeed in our true passions. Some of our family goals maybe a picket fence, some may be trying to have or adopt a child, some may not want any children at all. Once again, it doesn’t make one person’s decision better than yours or vice versa. We all know women who have been awesome mothers and awesome career women both separately and simultaneously.

The barrier is due to social media and these unrealistic expectations, we begin focusing on what the next woman is doing. We don’t even notice the weeds growing in our own yards, because we are too busy focused on the next woman’s yard. Why have her flowers grown so beautiful? What’s her secret? Why is she always happy? She must be fake, because nobody is ever that happy. If we are being truly honest, we all have said some of these things before or they have been said about us.

The truth is we are all blessed with our secrets. Look at these professional designers for example, they all can make a purse, but each one offers its own style. It’s no difference with us women, whether we are doing the same things, or doing things completely opposite of one another we all have our own secret that we possess to make it ours. We will never find that secret, or that success if we aren’t focused on our own growth.

So instead of wondering how the next woman is growing, focus on the seeds we need to plant to grow. We will miss days of watering them, nourishing them, talking to them, praying for them, manifesting them, if our focus is on someone else’s yard. The seeds will dry up, burn up, and eventually not grow at all. Why? We aren’t focusing on our own growth.

No matter where we are on our journey of growth, I think the most important aspect of focusing is knowing to not worry about outside forces. There are a million things out of our control, and if we spend our time worrying about them, we will forever be limiting our growth. We focus on what we can control, like the seeds we plant. Are the seeds we are planting aligning with who we are and who we are meant to be? We can control how much effort, how much work we put in, how much we pray, how we think. And when we put it in that perspective, how the hell do we even have time to focus on anyone else.

What is something along your journey of growth that you would like to focus more on? What are some seeds that you want to plant and nourish to be a better version of you? What are some things that keep you unfocused? What are you going to do to change them? Be true to your vision, your focus and your dreams. They are yours, they aren’t supposed to look like anyone else’s.


Letting Go of Old Habits 🌱✨

Letting go of old habits is one of the most important aspects of growth and one of the hardest. We become accustomed to doing things in a particular way that getting out of that routine is difficult. Habits can be simple, such as our first thoughts in the morning and our last thoughts at night. Habits can be laziness and the way we eat. Habits can be how we choose to look at people we don’t necessarily care for. Habits can be addictions that can take more than us to let go of. No matter where we are along our journey, we have to let go of old habits and create new ones.

When we think of bettering our mental health, there’s so much that goes into it. For starters how we feel and think about ourselves. Old habits of thought may lead us to think we aren’t good enough or that we need the approval of others for ourselves and work to be respected. That’s an old habit we have to change, or we are constantly going to fall in the same routine. There are many techniques, such as affirmations, post its, therapists and other ways to begin to change our thought process. It could be the habit of constantly making up our own scenarios in our head. This just doesn’t affect our own mind, but affects our relationship with others. If we know we struggle matters of the mind, why wouldn’t we exhaust all options to create new habits so the struggle decreases with time? Knowing without action is a bad habit! (I promised to keep it real)

We set these goals for our careers and businesses, yet too often we see these same entrepreneurs talk about not liking people, having arguments, throwing shade. But yet want other people’s business. That’s a bad habit. In order to open new doors, we have to let go of that. We are all human, but the person we could be offending could be the step to the next level or could be Gods way of testing to see if we are ready for the next level. Until we let go of those habits, we will constantly be held back from our next level. Because in business baby, we like everyone, we are for everyone, because all money spends & good promotion is how we get our businesses to grow.

Old habits like the addiction to spending, eating, drugs and alcohol, honestly can’t always be done alone. That’s okay too. We have to remember that through being honest with ourselves we also must be gentle. Make reaching out for help with our addictions a new habit! Whether it’s a group, counselor or friend. Make a new habit of surrounding ourselves with people we can reach out too! Let go of the ones who don’t respect our want to be better.

What’s holding you back? Is it your thoughts, your actions, how you handle yourself, getting out of your own way? We all have habits that are holding us back from being the best we can be, from reaching our next level. No they all can’t be quit cold turkey, but they will never be OLD until we admit we have them & that is the hardest part. But once we admit what’s holding us back, we can begin to take the steps we need to take that shackle off and be free!


Rebuilding Confidence 🌱✨

On our journey of growth and in complete transparency, rebuilding my confidence is one of my hardest struggles. Looking at me and how I carry myself, that can be hard to believe. But I had gotten to a dark place of allowing the world to dictate my confidence. If I was too this or too that, I was cocky, arrogant, stuck up. I allowed others lack of belief in me and my abilities, make me hide in the shadows of my own confidence. It brought me to a dark place. Questioning everything. My hair. My body. My abilities. My crafts. If I say this or do this will I come off like I’m better than? If I didn’t agree with the majority, did I have the confidence to stand alone?

If you had known me growing up, you would know that I was the poster girl for uniqueness. I never cared about walking alone, being alone or standing alone. I didn’t care if I was the only one who believed something, I stood on it. A friend of mine sent me a sermon delivered by Sarah James Roberts called “Girl, Get Up”, just this week. Queens, it was everything I didn’t know I needed. She said a lot that resonated with me. In terms of confidence she said we all have a point where we were broken and because of that we shy away from the core of who we are. We have to go back to that point prior to brokenness and not let it kill who we were before we allowed the world to change us. I can’t think of better encouragement when it comes to rebuilding our confidence.

So how do we do it? How do we rebuild? The first thing we must do is be real with ourselves. We have to know our strengths as well as our weaknesses. List our strengths and post them on a bathroom mirror if we have to. Our strengths are not dictated by what the world says they are. It’s who we say we are! We have to realize our limitations and weaknesses. We all have them! What mine look like may not be what yours look like, but we shouldn’t judge each other for them. Who are we to judge? The beauty in knowing our weaknesses is knowing nobody can use them against us. The beauty in knowing our weaknesses is to remind us that we are human and having things to work on doesn’t interfere with our confidence. It strengthens us and our knowledge of self. When we gain this type of perspective, we begin to not just look at ourselves differently, we look at others differently too. We aren’t bothered by women who voice their wins because we have the perspective that she needs celebrating. We aren’t bothered by women who cry out for help, because we have the perspective that we all have weaknesses we are working through. Cmon Queens!

Another big step in rebuilding our confidence is showing others how to treat us. We can’t rebuild our confidence surrounded by people who take it for a joke, don’t believe in us, and aren’t growing theirselves. Those ppl will drain the life out of us, because we are constantly over explaining. It’s already enough in this dominant social media world, that we have to deal with the opinions of others. We have to make sure the people we allow close to us aren’t deflating us as a person.

As we talked about last week, positive talks with self are unmatched. Pouring that type of love within ourselves builds our confidence. Our self confidence has everything to do with how we look at ourselves and how we treat ourselves.

A mentor of mine told me to allow people to compliment me. At the time, my mind wasn’t even at a point that I understood what that meant. But now I do. Us women can be terrible at taking compliments. We either feel we have to downplay it or we feel like we have to over show gratitude for the compliment. I’m guilty of both. Instead of accepting the compliment. Let it pour into you. And just saying thank you or I appreciate that. When we downplay, we are downplaying ourselves and we can’t rebuild from that. When we over show gratitude, it can be exhausting. Which takes away the whole purpose of the compliment to boost us.

At the end of the day, rebuilding confidence isn’t easy. Just as everything on our growth journey, there’s different levels. We have to believe in ourselves. We have to believe in ourselves enough that commentary from the outside doesn’t dim our light. We have to be real with ourselves and realize we all got our shit, because that keeps us humble. We have to show others how to treat us and we have to pour into ourselves.

What are some things you need to strengthen on rebuilding your confidence? What are some things you need to start doing? What are some things you need to stop doing? I challenge you to start rebuilding your confidence today! Keep growing and glowing.


Pouring into Self 🌱✨

What does it truly mean to pour into ourselves? It’s deeper than self care on the surface, but it truly looks and feels different for everyone.

I can’t think of a better time to practice pouring into self. At this time when we are naked of all the things society defines as “self-care.” When our hair is at its most natural, our nails are naked and we have no where to go and no one to prove that we “self-care.” Although those things make us feel good, pouring in, is so much deeper than it all.

Pouring into self is the way we talk to ourselves. The way we word things. We all can respond to the same sentence differently. For me, it was as simple as changing “I’m so glad I have nothing to do today” to “I completed everything I needed to do for the week.” As similar as those sentences may be, the way my mind processes them are different. The stigma my mind has around doing “nothing” makes me feel like I should be doing something. But knowing I’m entering my weekend in completion gives me that feeling of accomplishment I need for my mind to rest and be still.

Pouring into self is our soulful connections. Making time to learn, to laugh, to love and be loved. We don’t have to be social everyday to allow those connections to pour in. This is also a great way to distinguish those connections that we hold on to that constantly take from us with no reciprocation.

Pouring into self is accountability. Theres no better self realization than apologizing without being told we were wrong. Just knowing that maybe our reactions weren’t our best, or what we said wasn’t the nicest. That feeling of accountability may feel like it’s taking a piece away from us, but in reality it’s adding value to who we are. It’s pouring into what we stand for. It’s pouring into the respect we have for ourselves.

Pouring into self is our spiritual connections. The way we worship, the way we pray, the way we manifest. Whatever that looks like to each of us. We need our spiritual connections because there are so many things about life that are out of our control. If we don’t stay spiritually connected, we will constantly be taking away from ourselves trying to control every thing.

On our journey of growth, pouring into self will be a constant. There will still be empty days. Those days our connections are imperative. How we talk to ourselves is imperative. There will be days when we are overflowing. Those are the days we pour back into the ones who have poured into us.

I keep a journal. My journal has drastically changed over the last 6 months. At first it was a way for me to write down and pray on everything I felt I needed to improve. But I found that the journal wasn’t uplifting at all. After a while I shyed away from it, hating to see all the things I felt like I wasn’t doing good enough yet. But it’s self care to write it out, I thought. I’m being accountable I thought, because I know what’s wrong with me. But through my soulful and spiritual connections, I found that I’m allowed to like things about myself, that others don’t. So now instead of writing down just the things I need to improve. I write down what I like about myself. What I enjoyed doing that day or that week. I write down the weird things about myself that very few understand. Pouring into me has made me realize how deep pouring into self really is.

Yeah we say get a journal. But how will that journal serve us? Yeah we say run a bubble bath, but how will that bath serve us? A facial for me is more than clear skin. It’s about healthy skin, learning something new to take care of myself. Accepting the imperfections about my skin. Knowing I’m unique with the millions of freckles that I once hated.

No everything doesn’t have to be so deep. But when we are talking about pouring into ourselves ladies, it is that deep! I challenge you all to go deeper along your journey.


Repairing Our Hearts! ♥️🌱✨

Repairing a broken heart isn’t easy, I think we all know that. The tenderness we feel after our hearts have been broken is indescribable. We go through various of phases; from sad to mad, to sad again to healing. It’s all apart of our journey of growth. Once we get on the other side of healing, we step into another level of life. But sometimes it’s the process of healing that disturbs us.

We all remember our first heartbreak. I remember mine like it was yesterday. That feeling of loving someone deeply to only get hurt in the end….WHEW! It’s from that first heartbreak that we dictate how we will handle every relationship from that point on. Some of us become guarded, too guarded to allow ourselves to be loved. Some of us doubt everything. (I can relate to this). Someone could tell us the sky is blue, we will still double check to make sure. Some of us become mean. We carry an attitude so heavy, we become unapproachable. Some of us just give up, especially after multiple heartbreaks; deeming ourselves unlovable.

Even writing this now, I become tender thinking about the phases I went through after my heartbreak. I went totally wild; at that time thinking I was proving a point, but to who? It is only once we go through our phases, we can start to repair.

The steps to repairing our heart is healing our ability to love and to be loved. The first step is knowing its okay to be emotional, whatever emotion that may be. Sometimes people try to box us in. They say we can’t be mad, we can’t be sad, we can’t be mentally wrapped up in a heartbreak. All that is totally false. Experience your emotions. As long as we fake it, we will never heal, because we aren’t being real with ourselves. Who cares what that looks like to others.

The second step is staying true to our values. There’s no need to sleep with multiple men, if that’s not who we are. There’s no need to drink away our sorrows, if that’s not who we are. Often times we resort to other things to mask the pain. But when the sex is over, the boos are gone, the food is gone, the drugs are gone; we are still left to face ourselves. Remember that.

Next, we have to find ways to begin again. No matter how small that step may be. It may be just as simple as finally saying “thank you” to a compliment. What beginning again looks like will be different to all of us. To some it may be a simple friendly conversation. Others may be ready to actually date. Nothing serious, but stepping out there. Whatever beginning again looks like for you, don’t compare it to the next. Be true to you.

Lastly, which is probably one of the hardest. Don’t carry heartbreaks over. Lord knows we hate when a man holds us responsible for the last woman’s mistakes and we should have the same respect. Carrying heartbreaks over is just a sign of not being ready, and that’s okay too, if we are being honest with ourselves. Might be a sign to slow things down or maybe you are seeing red flags that you should have noticed in the previous relationship. In that case, let it go! Don’t even set yourself up. Just be real with yourself on what’s fear and what’s red flags. A man going out with his friends is not a red flag, it’s fear that the man before didn’t do right when he did. A man constantly hiding his phone and not doing what he says, that’s a red flag.

As you can see repairing our hearts is not easy, and why should it be, why should we act like it is? Our hearts are the most delicate things about us, so we should treat it as such. Take our time and heal. We deserve it. Our next relationship deserves the best us we can give it!